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Art Buchwald . the new Mexican .-3/8/66 Black Feet Surfing and Nuclear Club There has been a lot of anxiety in Spain over the story that the United States lost a hydrogen bomb. The fact that we found three out of the four bombs doesn’t seem to mean anything to our critics. All they keep harping on is the one we lost. They seem to forget nobody is perfect. The big fear, of course, is that the hy drogen bomb will fall into the wrong hands. A month froni now four surfers walk into the Geneva Nuclear Disarmament Con ference and one of them says to the Rus “What is the meaning of this?" the “We’re members of the Black Feet Surf ing and Nuclear Club. You can’t ignore us “It may be ridiculous to you, lover, but if you want true disarmament, you got to “Ya, see,” one of the other kids says, coast of Spain two weeks ago and we found the hydrogen bomb that was lost. Morty was for setting it off right away just to see what kind of bang it would make, but I said the bomb really belongs to the club and we should decide what to do with it.” “SO,” says a third kid, “we had a meet ing. Everybody had a different idea. “Tommy Blue wanted to use it to blow up the police station in Santa Monica, as he hates the fuzz out there, Angel thought we should put it on a surfboard and send it into the Suez Canal, and Crewcut Harry said he thought we should sink Cuba. But Liz the Fiz said that since, we possessed a hydrogen, bomb we were a nuclear power and we should first go to Geneva and talk to you people and maybe make a deal.” The American delegate says, “The hy drogen bomb is our property and must be The Spanish ambassador at the confer ■ ence says, “It was found off the coast of Spain, so it belongs to us.” ' The' Russian delegate says, “If you give it to the Germans, it means, war.” “Like we’re not about to give it to any body,” one of the surfers says. “After all, we have a certain responsibility to man wouldn’t use it unless one o fyou countries used it against us.” The American delegate says, “What do “We don’t know what we want. If we did, ‘‘Morty says we should ask for Hayraii.’’ The American delegate says, “Impos “Tommy Blue says the surfing is sup posed to be very good in the Black Sea.” The Russian delegate says, “Ridiculous.” "Liz the Fiz says the least we should get out of it is a seat on the UN Security “With a veto, of course,” another surfer The chairman of the conference-says, “You either take us in the club or we join France and Red China and go it alone.” “We don’t know how long we can keep our club members in line,” a second adds. “Half of ’em are for setting it off now.. Like Another surfer says, “this is the biggest thing that happened to us since LSD. We're not just going to let the thing sit there, and “I will have to speak vto Moscow,.” the Russian delegate says. kids says, “This Geneva hangup is a drag.” — More than 50 angry vil lagers demonstrated in the town square Friday night, against the “U.S. and its j bomb” as a search for miss B-52 bomber moved into its I fourth day. The plane crashed i with nuclear weapons aboard. The villagers paraded through the square shouting, 1 and “Americans go away and take your bomb with you.” They dispersed peacefully after about 30 minutes. The demonstration came as hundreds of U.S. airmen moved tons of equipment to a sealed-off beach area near The Air Force, which has admitted the plane was carry-; ing nuclear weapons, refused; to confirm or deny that the; search was for one such nu clear -device still missing, in Informed sources said four, nuclear bombs were aboard the bomber when it collided in the air with a KC-135 jet tanker; Monday. They said three devices had been re-s covered but that a fourth was Spanish physicians doing, physical checkups on persons; engaged in recovering wreck age of a U.S. nuclear bomber: said they had found slight traces of radioactivity among several Spanish civil guards The doctors, flown here by Spain’s board of nuclear en ergy, said these traces were “very slight and should dis appear in a few days.” j Officials theorized one of several nuclear devices picked up from the crash wreckage in the sand dunes; jhad broken open enough to jlet a minimum amount of